New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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