is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
