At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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