I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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