the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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