My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We don't watch enough power rangers
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
