He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
