i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize