He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
