Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
