i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize