Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
