dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
