Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
