there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
