omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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