Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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