You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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