it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
