Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
