new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
