guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
