Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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