God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
