i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
