Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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