Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I touched a dick in church today
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
