Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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