They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
