Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
