I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
