I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
