I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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