FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
