3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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