Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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