i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
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