all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
