Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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