Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
