U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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