dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
