Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
