I just threw up on my dentist
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize