Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize