Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize