I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
