I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just pee around me
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
