The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So many bounce houses so little time
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize