So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
