Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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