i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
