i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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