i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
