Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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