there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize