how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
