I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
