I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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