One girl and one boy is just not enough.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Randomize
