It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
