yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
