i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
