so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize