I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
