I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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