We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
