I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
