I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
