i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
